The Begginings of Obsession
by Georgia Doe
Summary: Envy developes an unusual and unhealthy obsession. Written entirely for humor and entertainment value, read and review! One shot


A/N I'm trying out a new writting style with this, tell me what you think! By the way, created purely for humor, and to satisfy my insane obsession with Envy. I havn't seen the end of the Fullmetal Alchemist series, so as I'm posting this threat everywhere, I may as well post it here. Please don't tell me anything of the ending, if I hear of it before seeing it for myself, I_ WILL_ discontinue and delete all of my fanfics including this one. Well, now that;s out of the way, enjoy! And before I forget, thanks a lot to my lovely beta reader Voldie, your comments help me so much!

Disclaimer: I do not own FMA. Not even lovely, hot, wonderful Envy, sigh...

Envy disliked many things. He disliked people in general, he disliked pain, and he disliked toothpaste due to a freak incident of his youth. Long story short, Envy was a very spiteful person. But there was one thing that Envy did like, and on a slightly obsessive level for that matter. And that thing was cookies.

Homunculi, like all living creatures, need to eat. Or at least like to, considering it's very uncomfortable to be constantly starving. And so, often in the middle of the night, Envy would go to raid the kitchen. This continued on a regular basis until, as was sadly predictable, the kitchen had no easily accessible food left. And so Envy went to Sloth. Now Sloth was never a particularly good cook, but agreed to once again try her hand at the craft and bake something for Envy to eat. She made bread. Or, as one might better put it, attempted to make bread but mixed up salt with sugar, put in five tablespoons of baking soda instead of five teaspoons, and about half way through forgot she was making bread and followed the instructions for making beef stroganoff for the majority of the rest of the recipe. In the end, it came out as a blackened, twitching pile of burnt food that could easily have been mistaken for the results of a failed human transmutation. After stabbing it several times it stopped moving and Sloth offered it to Envy who, at the sight, puked. Needless to say, Sloth was once again banned from the kitchen.

And so, giving up on that plan, Envy went to Lust, who he hoped was at least somewhat more adept at cooking. And Lust, loving things of a sweet and easy nature in both her choice of men and food, decided to simply cook up a batch of chocolate chip cookies. Envy, anticipating an incident close to the one earlier that day of the beef stroganoff-bread, steered clear of the kitchen through the making of said cookies. But, surprisingly enough, he found himself drawn closer and closer to the kitchen, inch by inch as his stomach growled and he paced. A sweet scent wafted from the kitchen, beckoning him closer as he saw Lust set the timer for the cookies to bake. Lust put down the oven mitts she'd worn while baking distastefully, before walking out of the door and strait into Envy who had, in turn, been hovering just outside of the kitchen, peering in. "Give them half an hour and they should be done," she told him at his sudden appearance, before walking away.

Now, as mentioned before, Envy hated many things. And, somewhere in the back of the vast universe of loathsome things in his eyes, resided waiting. Envy tried to pass the time first by being cruel to Wrath, but got bored of that game after only a few minutes. Then he put on several imitations of the other homunculi that he himself found hilarious, but, were found with bad taste by the one's he'd imitated, and so, after a fierce fight to the death several times, had to stop that as well. All in all, Envy found himself beginning to become desperate for entertainment in any form. He filled in a good third of the crossword puzzle until Sloth brought it to his attention that 'kill' was in fact a four-letter word and could not possibly be the answer to every question. He even tried to stomach helping Sloth clean up the flat they shared, but found it immeasurably dull, as she had the habit of falling asleep in the middle of working.

And then, like the sweetest singing of angels, Envy heard the timer ringing. He practically jumped up, stopping a moment later to regain his cool casualness and glare at Wrath who was watching him with a mixture of surprise and disbelief. "Lust, the timer's going," he called, still keeping his cool as he watched her nod her head in affirmation and walk with painstakingly slow steps towards the kitchen from the other room. Envy followed her in a would be casual way, a bounce of eagerness in his step that gave the impression of his doing a small jig with every step he took. Lust put back on the oven mitts, eyeing the checkered pattern hatefully before opening the oven and pulling out the cookies. Envy licked his lips as the scent of chocolate drifted past his nose and he saw the gooey, chewy perfection of cookies. Lust took out a spatula, prying the cookies off of the cooking sheet and sliding them all onto a cooling rack, before putting on the next batch of dough and resetting the timer as she put them in the oven. "Don't eat those for at least another five minutes or you'll burn your mouth," she warned Envy, before throwing off the oven mitts and walking back out of the kitchen.

Envy felt saliva gathering in the bottom of his mouth as he stared at the cookies. They glowed with a slowly dieing heat, the melted chocolate chips glistening. Envy's stomach growled, having not eaten anything for over a day now and having been nauseous at the sight of Sloth's creation. Envy glanced at the nearest clock, a small wind up one on the stove. A minute had passed. Four more to go. Envy started pacing; the battle of wills raging in his mind. He was so hungry, and the cookies looked so good, but Lust had said he'd burn his tongue if he ate them now, and one of the most foul, terrible things in his book was pain. But it seemed so worth it… Envy bit his lip nervously, drool actually leaking out of the corner of his mouth. He felt his stomach grumble, sloshing about uncomfortably. He needed something to keep him busy he decided, after all, four minutes wasn't _that_ long. Envy paced back and forth. He could see whether he could finish that crossword puzzle, maybe Sloth was wrong. But no, he's burned it in hatred after realizing all of it's answers were things like 'mocking birds' and 'carpets,' and other such peaceful, annoying things. Envy heard something. Turning his head, he saw Wrath watching him, giggling. At the sight of Envy's merciless glare, the child stopped immediately, suddenly becoming exceedingly interested in his big toe nail.

Envy took his chance; after all, beating Wrath to a pulp was one of the more popular pass times of the homunculi, Envy in particular. Wrath was used to it to an extent, but even through all of his conditioning and how often this event came about, he was getting rather nervous, and quite a bit scarred by the insane glint in Envy's eye as he walked forward, drool still hanging from the side of his mouth like a rabid animal. "So Wrath, what're you staring at?" Envy asked malevolently, continuing forward, each step growing louder as he smiled maliciously and cracked his knuckles. At this, what with the glinting of his eyes, the bite in his voice, and the utter look of insanity adorn Envy's face, Wrath was truly and utterly terrified. Jumping to his feet before the older homunculus could reach him, Wrath made a mad dash out the door, jumping over a sleeping Sloth sprawled out on the floor, past Lust who was busily cleaning out her fingernails, and through the open door.

"Wrath?" Lust asked in confusion, glancing up just quickly enough to see Envy run avidly after the boy, stopping at the door to yell several well thought out and utterly profane phrases at Wrath as he ran into the distance.

"Damn that kid's fast," Envy said exasperatedly.

Lust was about to ask what Envy had done to cause such a horrific panic in Wrath, before noticing the look on his face and catching herself just before she spoke. Searching for a good comment to make, or subject to chat about without angering Envy any further and finding none, Lust simply went back to cleaning her fingernails. Envy crouched down on the floor, holding his stomach as it grumbled angrily. "You can try eating some of those cookies now, they should be cool," Lust commented, looking up a moment after saying this and finding the room utterly vacant. Envy was already in the kitchen, picking up a cookie and taking an experimental bite. It had cooled enough to eat with only mild discomfort, yet the chocolate was still melted and flowed over his tongue. It was the first thing he'd eaten in over 24 hours, and Envy could think of no better thing in the world at the time than the lovely, sweet, crisp taste of cookies.

And so he ate another. And another after that. And, being the only food they had that was ready prepared at the time, he ate all of the rest of that batch, marveling at how much he enjoyed them. And he decided that day, as Lust finished baking the second and third batches that he readily consumed, that cookies were the greatest things in existence. When heated up just right, or even cold they were delectable, surpassing even the taste of the incomplete Philosopher's stone that he'd grown up on. Wrath had come back, but seeing Envy wolfing down the cookies with such manic fever, was almost as scared as before and hid in the closet.

Now, all of the homunculi would have different memories from that day, and different views on its outcome. Envy would always see it as the greatest day of his life. On the other hand, Sloth wouldn't remember it at all considering she'd slept through most of it. Wrath would think back on it as the day Envy went insane, or, at least, more so than usual, and Lust, she was the only one other than Envy to truly remember it with utter clarity. And she would always see it as the beginning of the end. The beginning of Envy's horrific and terrible cookie obsession.

A/N I'm considering continueing this story, though I really don't know, guess it depends on how people take it. I made Sloth very lazy like her name because, well, Gluttony's hungry, Wrath's angry, Greed's greedy, and Lust's sexy, but Sloth's never acted much like her name... it seemed to fit. Read and review, while typing this I listened to Modest Mouse. If I get over, say, maybe five reviews I think I'll continue. Well, goodnight!


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